Wednesday, September 07, 2005

We Love You, Jim O'Donnell

I've intimated in these electronic pages in the past my digust with the work of Sun-Times sports writer Jim O'Donnell. But lately he's grown on me _ purely for his brazen and continuing crimes against writing logic. Witness today's latest and this passage in particular...

"Of equal importance, (Fasano's) presence -- in lockstep with backup tight end John Carlson -- enabled Weis to glide through a concerto of five-receiver sets and double-tight-end formations with all the ease of Jimmy Buffett at Wrigley Field."

How about Daniel Barenboim? Wouldn't that match up with "concerto" better? I know he's trying to be topical with Buffet, but I don't think of Der Parrotfuhrer first when...
A. Discussing football.
B. Discussing an elegant, well-performed piece of music.

Another hallmark of the O'Donnell style is the impenetrable, head-scratching lead...

"If (Fasano) accidentally cut off a car as he blew by on the Garden State Parkway or the Indiana Toll Road, the rear-viewed driver would be wise to glance up and thank Fasano and St. Anthony with the same salute."

What is the cut-off driver glancing up from? His hands? His dashboard? Wouldn't he already be watching Fasano cut him off _ and not have to glance up to thank him? If that is indeed the case, then where are these person's eyes rising to? A St. Anthony medallion hanging on a rear view mirror? If so, in order to thank both St. Anthony AND Fasano, Fasano would have to be behind the driver. Didn't he just cut this imaginary person off? Is he looking up to heaven? Why would he look there to thank Fasano? And why would this person thank Fasano, anyway? Presumably, it's because he's so charming. But if you bring St. Anthony into it _ and say "thank" _ it sounds like Fasano prevented an accident. What if the passenger smiled or blushed, instead?

Regardless, I'm still towing the new party line. Keep up the good work, JOD.

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