Watchniks

I just paid for an expensive, stat-tracking webcounter. How expensive? I'd rather not print it here for tax purposes. Needless to say, the Missus and I won't be eating out for awhile

But, I think it's worth it. I need to know who you are. You right there _ the reader. This expensive stat-tracking service can tell me a lot about you. Feeling afraid? Perhaps you should. They say feelings of paranoia peak in one's early 30's _ so most of you, as I check my statsheet printout here, should feel quite edgy.

Oh, don't worry. I can't get your social security number. I don't know what you'll be having for dinner tonight _ though I wish you'd call me once in a while. I'll bring over a nice bottle of wine, and we can talk about how you fit into the target demographic schematic.

Here're a few tidbits to whet your whistle:
89% of Woundup readers enjoy foreign films.
93% of Woundup readers have skimmed a book on communism.
76% of Woundup readers like fur-lined boots.
88% of Woundup readers haven't renewed their subscription to the New Yorker.

Huh. Well, I feel I know a little more about you... Actually, I now know a lot more about you. My machine can smell the fragrant residue of your internet use. Care for an Advil? My data says 99.3% of you would.