Monday, February 06, 2006

We Like to Have a Few Testers Around In Case Something Goes Wrong.

I had another wonderful revelation upon exiting my therapist's office. I'm going to donate my brain to science... after I'm dead, of course.

But, as with many things in life, the straight line from idea to realization runs through some heavy undergrowth...

(At the Mayo Clinic. A reception area. Mark is filling out a form. A doctor walks by.)

Mark: Hey there...
Doctor: Yes?
M: Can you--can you tell me a little bit about the program? The brain donation... program?
D: Are you thinking about donating your brain?
M: Yeah. I've got the paperwork here...
D: Well that's wonderful. Congratulations.
M: Will they--you guys--do tests on it.
D: Probably not.
M: No? What kind of thing--
D: They're mostly used for animal feed.
M: Animal--
D: Yes. We sell them to a pig farm in Iowa.
M: Huh. Do you ever... do research on them?
D: Not really. We've found just about everything we need to know about the human brain.
M: Wow.
What about all those, uh, articles--"The future of the mind?"
D: We've generally found those encourage people to donate their brains.
M: Yeah, like it would be part of some--
D: Important study. Yes.
M: Right.
D: Which works fine for us.
More feed for the pigs!
(Pause. Mark looks at the questionnaire.)
M: What do I put down under "Availability?"

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