Thursday, July 28, 2005

Structureless Prison Yard

I'm taking another class. I've found they give me a good shot of excitement/confidence. I wish I could take them year-round. My instructor is great, and he's helping me, indirectly, to realize I should get over myself. I'm trying to celebrate the process and not fret about the end result _ a common human tendency.

What else is there to say? Try to be better than yourself, not your contemporaries. That's what William Faulkner said. Lately, I've been wrangling with doubts/questions about my life's purpose, and amid those moments I sometimes see an answer _ that I was given my brain, my body, my spirit by nature/god/chance, and that I must/can/should use them/it for their/its highest purpose _ that being my natural tendency. And that is the tendency toward creativity.

I get like this whenever I miss a few days of writing, which has happened more frequently the last three months. It is doubt, guilt and disappointment. I question my conviction. I don't know... all I can do is pick it up again. It's good to be in class.

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