Also, I'm heading into the vaults very soon to release a never-before-seen piece of post-9/11 humorous fiction. Stay tuned. Till then, enjoy a flashback from America's favorite disillusioned office worker, Young Woundup.
May. 27, 2003 - 2:10 p.m.
according to psychologist Julian Jaynes , man, at one point in his evolution, did not comprehend his own consciousness, but rather, believed that his internal thoughts were the voices of the gods.
cultures like the Aztecs were at a disadvantage, as most of their gods were stoners
god1: tom-- tom this is axletoplexl. get me some ice cream.
god2: ask him for a pizza... get a pizza.
1: shut up, man--
2: tom, this is pixlxltxol. get me a pizza.
1: shut up! (laughing)
tom: yes, master.
man's experience increased his sense of autonomy. he had lost interest in the rambling whims of his pantheon. the world began switching to the one-god system.
jehovah: honor your mother, tom.
jehovah: tom, you're not listening to me, again.
tom: yeah, i am.
jehovah: what did i just say?
tom: you said, 'honor the sabbath."
jehovah: no i didn't. tom, you really disappoint me when you don't pay attention like this.
tom: fine, i promise to honor the sabbath.
by the Enlightenment, man had tired of the nagging. Renee Descartes was the first person to replace the voice of god with light classical music (he preferred Handel)
the personified internal voice lives on today, recast by Freud as Id and Superego. these inspired some of the greatest filmstrips in entry-level psychology class
tania: tom, i had a wonderful time tonight.
tom: i did, too...
id: kiss her.
tom: listen you two, shut up, okay! you're going to ruin everything!
tania: tom, do you also hear voices?
tom: yes. they are called id and superego and they never leave me alone.
tania: mine is called pixlxltxol. he tells me to cut the hearts out of people.
tom: (pause) would you like to see my hot tub?