Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Glorified Lawyer Joke, Take Two

I had what I thought was a unique, innovative idea this morning: a pay, wake-up call service. Too bad I'm 5 years too late on it.

This is why I'm not in the invention business. I'm in the fabrication business, but not inventions. I could, well... I suppose someone could pay me to fabricate things.

Childhood a little too bland and conventional? Pay me, and I'll write you up a sizzling new background: drug addiction, pan-sexual escapades, page duty at the statehouse, flunked out of French art school, glue sniffing in boy scouts _ you name it...

I also do resumes, background checks, marriage licenses and Catholic conversion applications. Here's a snippet from that last one (not my copy)...

"... other religion to Catholic conversion chart. In my previous religious life I was...
_ Zoroastrian: 2.5 months (of wearing hair shirt, it may be taken off for baths)
_ Snake Handler: 3 months
_ Sylvan Denominationalist: 4.3 months
_ Sylvan (Reformed): 4.1 months
_ Sun Worshipper: 5 months
_ Bacchanalianist: 5.5 months
_ Lawyer: 12 months (may include self-flagellation) ..."

1 comment:

vanessa said...

What's a sylvan? Tried to google it. didn't come up with anything.