A Hazy, Lazy Re-cap

Taking a trip to New Orleans and Southern Mississippi prepared me for the summer here. Our heat wave in Chicago feels like a pleasant Holiday Inn sauna, while the thermostat in the Big Easy is currently set to "Vietnamese Prison Camp."

I never thought I'd like Mississippi, but it turned out to be our favorite stop on the honeymoon. Southern people are friendly people _ particularly in a small town like Pass Christian, where we stayed. And you always have a conversation topic _ THE HEAT.

We rented a beautiful house for a few days in P.C. It was a writer's dream _ desks, big windows, silence. I'd go back in a second. I'd even live there. Life sprung from every little stream _ filled with fish and bugs. Cattle grazed lazily by the streetside.

New Orleans was interesting. Yes, that's vague. It had it's good points _ history, nightlife and the gorgeous Audubon Park _ but Erika and I felt relieved when we left. Lots of tourist traps. It's like Times Square, but with much more booze. Don't try the Hand Grenade, not matter what Ludacris says.

And the wedding? I've tried to resist shopworn phrases, but there's some truth to them. It did go by quickly. I wish I had more time to talk to old friends and family. But I believe most everyone had a great time. We had a great time. What more is there? I don't know.

Return of the King Drive Construction

Back! We're back! Back from our honeymoon. Now, I'll fill you in, in a bit on the details. Firstly, please check out this video from our wedding. I recommend the high quality link, as it looks much better. Thank you to my old friend Adam Rosen for putting it up and to Marshall for shooting it.

Yes, We Have Spicy Cole Slaw

I just read about the Mekong giant catfish, which can top out at 10' in length. They're critically endangered in their native Thailand.

If I was the King of Thailand, I'd take up the cause of this gentle giant and trumpet the natural bounty of the mother nation. I'd hold a news conference and wade into the Mekong River in my regal robes. My assistants would hold one of the giant catfish, flapping wildly, so I could put my hand on its dorsal fin and make a pronouncement...

KING:
Today, this fish is our most important citizen _ not just this fish, but all his brothers and sisters wherever they may be swimming in the 1,500 navigable miles of the Mekong River in Thailand, which I might add, are perfect for your next rafting or kayaking vacation. We are blessed by nature's bounty to count such a large creature among our native fauna, and a tasty creature, I might add. I was dining on giant catfish last night and--

(assistant whispers something)

I'd like to clarify that last statement. I was not dining on giant catfish, it was pad Thai with sauteed tofu. And now, as King of Thailand, I proclaim this fish--

(fish thrashes violently)

This fish, which could be fried nicely or diced and breaded into several hundred sticks _ put some hot sauce on there, a little red beans and rice--

(assistant whispers something)

THIS FISH is hereby off limits.

(the fish has stopped moving)

ASST:
It's dead, your majesty.

KING:
What a pity. I'm speechless.

(the assistants wrap the fish in a giant newspaper)

KING:
I'd like to direct you all to the press tent. Lunch will be served in 20 minutes.

REPORTER:
I've never eaten something I've covered before. How should I feel?

REPORTER2:
I think this is what they call "new journalism."

Sting of Rejection (c)

Four days till D-Day. My suit is ready. We have booze. We have truffles.

I'm taking my yearly playwriting class in an effort to better myself. The sting of rejection clouded my mind the other day, but now I'm feeling more reflective, and I'm trying to see what the other three plays had that mine didn't.

Enough of my fucking carping. I'll try to keep these wranglings outta the funny papers. That said... go get 'em!

Insert 75 Cents for Learning Experience

After months of anticipation... my play was not picked. I came very close in one competition. That should encourage me, right? I don't know. What's the point? Well, one should enjoy writing first and foremost. The accolades are just plastic olive wreaths. Sure, it'd be great to see the work come to life, but do it for yourself.

This is what every book on writing I've ever read has said on the subject of "Recognition." Now I'm free of this project. That is my reward. I can do whatever I want now... And what I really need to do is the dishes.

Topical Humor Ltd.

Do you have the Google toolbar? I was disappointed the "stock quotes" function meant stock market and not, say, a canned witticism relating to your search term.
For example...
Student Loans
stock quote: "Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of student loans". Oscar Wilde

How Bad Ideas are Born

I promise! Not another post about how I don't write in here anymore. I do write in here anymore. I'm writing right now as you read this. In fact, I'm only a few words ahead of you, that's how fresh this copy is.

Now there's a WeBLoG idea. The writer tries to outpace the reader. There'd have to be a timer. Would it be quality? Some real gems could squeeze out, but I imagine most would be dross.

Work, work, work. Let's go to work. Tonight we work. I'm getting fucking sick of the banter on the desk today. I need some earplugs. AHA! Another idea! Canned office chatter on tape. Are you a data entry specialist who works alone? Or are you sick of the idiotic noise invading your cubicle? Just pop in a tape. Choices include...
_ insurance office
_ dentist's office
_ taxi dispatching office
_ Fed EX warehouse office (now with PA announcements)
_ Cook County probate court records office (NEW!)